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Okay but my favourite part of a Red Dwarf Harry Potter AU would be:

“You’re a wizard, Dave.”

“Who is?”

“You are, Dave.”

“What about my parents?”

“They were wizards, Dave.”

“Both of them?”

“Yes Dave, your whole family were wizards, Dave.”

“What about me?”

“You’re a wizard, Dave.”

“Wait a minute, are you trying to tell me I’m a wizard?”